What is domestic violence?

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Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any current or past relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.  The various types of abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, economical or psychological actions or threats of actions influencing another person.  This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.
 

Domestic violence can happen to anyone of an race, age, background, sexual orientation, religion or gender.  It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating.  Domestic violence can affect people of all socio-economic backgrounds and education levels.  The effects of domestic violence are far reaching, and its impact is felt by all of us.



Signs that you or someone you know might be a victim of domestic violence:



• feeling threatened or frightened when her partner is angry.
• worrying that partner will be jealous or suspicious.
• partner makes all or most of the decisions.
• partner criticizes often.
• victim apologizes frequently for partner’s behavior.
• withdrawn from friends and family and seems in a hurry to get home.
• partner breaks things, throws things, or intimidates victim.
• victim may have to quit her job.

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Tips for communicating with someone who may be a victim of domestic violence and experiencing physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse and/or sexual abuse.​

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DOs
• Respect the victim’s feelings and thoughts, even if you disagree or can’t sympathize.
• Ask questions instead of giving answers.
• Assure the victim of confidentialality (when appropriate).
• Listen without passing judgement.
• Move at the victim's pace.
• Inform the victim of resources – tell them abou the YWCA’s 24-hour crisis and information line 770.427.3390.
• Suggest safety planning.

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What to say…
• I am afraid/concerned for you.
• Does it bother you/scare you when he/she does that?
• Are you ever afraid of him/her?
​​​​​​​​​​• You shouldn’t have to be afraid.
• It seems like he/she is controlling, overly jealous, etc.
• Have you thought about leaving?
• Have you thought about a safety plan?
• You deserve to be treated well.



DON’Ts
• Act skeptical or impose your own judgements, values and beliefs.
• Tell victim what she/he should do or make decisions for her/him.
• Make promises you can’t keep.
• Blame or criticize.
• Hurry the decision process.
• Intervene beyond your capabilities.



What NOT to say…
• Why don’t you just leave?
• Why do you let him/her treat you like that?
• He/She is a loser; He/She is no good.
• You should just dump him/her.
• You don’t really know what love is yet.
• It’s not real love.
• He/She doesn’t love you or he/she wouldn’t treat you like that.
 

• “You should…” or “If I were you…"